Heart broken

It’s over. Done.

I lost her. And it’s pretty much my fault.
No I didn’t cheat, nor was I abusive. Nor any of those other terrible things.
No I was just not enough, I guess it makes sense. We are two very different people. She wants to travel the world. I want to put roots down.

So after 10 years of which we were married 3 it ends. I made too many mistakes and I can never be able to fix them nor able to apologise enough.

Well now I’m leaving. I am selling the very few items that are sellable that I own and trying to find my way to a haven on the other side of the county. A good friend has reached out and if I can get there I can have a safe haven for a short time. But to get there I need money I don’t have. We were not poor but we certainly were far from being comfortable. I don’t want to take more from her than I already have…

So here I am hoping to scrape enough together to get to the light at the end of the tunnel. Guitar, computer full of memories, hours of games collected over many years and that’s all I have to sell. Can’t sell the many books I have collected over the years can only trade in for other books so leaving tgat behind. My art is worth nothing…. I will take what I can and have to toss the rest. Leather jacket has to stay… too big don’t have space. This is the sum of my life, this is worth of me. I am lucky if I can scrape together R5000 . Far short of what I need. I can’t give up! I just need to reach the light. A friend willing to open her home to me and offer me refuge from all the memories here where I am.

Well once I am there I have so many people who are helping me. One even willing to send me a spare laptop. I have found that the few friends I do have are true and pure and if it weren’t for them I would not survive this.

I want to be ready as soon as the papers are signed I want to book my tickets and go. I want to send my motorbike ahead of me so that I can do this. I have already explained the situation to my boss and he is also looking for a way to send my bike ahead of me at low cost. He is possibly the most amazing boss I will have ever had. And I have had a few good ones… and a few not so good ones… and one psycho boss.

I don’t know what I will do for a living when I get there. But I need to get there that’s all that matters. It’s life or death. …

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